confession, the number 1 fear that rules my life is any variation of this: being unheard (misunderstood, invalidated, ignored, rejected, etc.. ISSUES, am i right?).
i am a sensitive soul, prone to bruising, ripping, bleeding. that's why i grovel and become a pathetic mess when i am afraid that what i'm afraid of is HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. that angst is also why i have the gift of creating beauty and art.
so, we have a list of liabilities and assets, which frequently are different sides of the same coin, if you will.
my assets include sensitivity, compassion, intelligence, artistic expression, and discernment. on this side of the list, i see that i have a lot going for me- i attract people, i'm loved, i know how to be a friend, i'm sincere, i create beauty, i am able to creatively navigate life, and my gut lets me know who to let in and when.
on the flip side, my sensitivity and compassion are a breeding ground for codependency which breeds unhealthy relationships, and can become cesspools of resentment and self-victimization in my heart. intelligence gets in the way of letting go and letting god (as they say), and sometimes i falsely believe whatever my head tells me, blinding me to reality or truth. my discernment makes my conscience really loud, and regret is more biting when i ignore my gut.
so what do i do, knowing these things about myself? i have people i'm accountable to, friends who refuse to co-sign my bull and call me out on it, i journal and meditate, and i attempt to make myself at home in the present moment. when i have goals, i can see more clearly where i might get in the way of myself, and also how i can achieve what i'm aiming for; machine gun.
being brave enough to accept my light and face my darkness gives me the power to direct my life. listen, we all have characteristics that get us through and also trip us up, it's called being human. the hard part is deciding to accept it, learn about ourselves, and then do something about it. in this way, we become the ocean, rather than the driftwood.
what are your assets and liabilities? they can be equally difficult to discover, admit, and acknowledge, AND, it's what helps us own our humanity while forgiving and loving ourselves in the process.
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