Thursday, July 26, 2012

a word about clothing..

dear internet,

i want to officially announce that my days in sweats are over- i've been defined by my "uniform" and i have finally shed it at the end of 5 long years. the past 3 weeks have been a storm of self discovery, new meds to tone down the psycho, several anonymous meetings (AA, for example. admitting this in the spirit of transparency..), and solidifying the life i want. i've been frantically searching for a job, working on a million projects for my biz which will be appearing on my blog over the next few weeks, and spending time with fantastic friends who support me in a special kind of way.

i was talking to one of these friends and had this realization: the way i dress has never been for me. i've worn sweats as a defense, they have kept me safe from men and from myself. the nice clothes i've bought have been to impress or seduce, and whenever i've been shopping and liked something, i have consistently thought "eh, this is nice but i can't afford this. what's the point in getting it when it won't get me anything or protect me from the world (aka the theme of my sweats days)? no, i definitely can't afford this." how sad is that?

anyway this friend pointed this out to me and for some reason it was a big A-HA moment and the next day i went to ross and bought 3 sundresses. i've wanted cute sundresses for a while but they always seemed like an unnecessary expense because i wanted them for ME. now i realize that i literally can't afford anything that ISN'T for me. it's not about money, it's about self love and validation. i've never been GOOD enough for something i liked to be worth the expense, yet what i was buying fed my unhealthy self image on two ends of the extreme spectrum.. amazing how crazy my mind can be in it's deception.

as of this week, i've worn a dress everyday, even when i've been sitting at home. it's okay to feel pretty, that doesn't make me VULNERABLE and/or SLUTTY (depending on how i'm dressing up or down). i have a friend who's going to photograph me in one of my dresses with my camera soon:) i'm excited to be on the other side of the camera for the exact reason i love photographing other people- to show them the beauty that is inherently theirs and to spark or solidify self-love. i'm a strong, capable, independent woman. i dress for myself now, it doesn't matter to me if others like what they see. the important thing is that I DO now, and that my friends, is priceless.

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so now i want to ask YOU: what is it that you neglect when it comes to yourself? how have you perpetuated old ideas about the "truth" lies you've believed about yourself or your circumstances? what do you want to do to break the cycle, because believe me, whoever you are you are good enough and you deserve to be loved, by your Self. after all, our reality is just a compilation of the stories we make up based on our experiences, and the TRUTH is so much bigger than that.

heather Pin It Now!

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