i want to officially announce that my days in sweats are over- i've been defined by my "uniform" and i have finally shed it at the end of 5 long years. the past 3 weeks have been a storm of self discovery, new meds to tone down the psycho, several anonymous meetings (AA, for example. admitting this in the spirit of transparency..), and solidifying the life i want. i've been frantically searching for a job, working on a million projects for my biz which will be appearing on my blog over the next few weeks, and spending time with fantastic friends who support me in a special kind of way.
i was talking to one of these friends and had this realization: the way i dress has never been for me. i've worn sweats as a defense, they have kept me safe from men and from myself. the nice clothes i've bought have been to impress or seduce, and whenever i've been shopping and liked something, i have consistently thought "eh, this is nice but i can't afford this. what's the point in getting it when it won't get me anything or protect me from the world (aka the theme of my sweats days)? no, i definitely can't afford this." how sad is that?
anyway this friend pointed this out to me and for some reason it was a big A-HA moment and the next day i went to ross and bought 3 sundresses. i've wanted cute sundresses for a while but they always seemed like an unnecessary expense because i wanted them for ME. now i realize that i literally can't afford anything that ISN'T for me. it's not about money, it's about self love and validation. i've never been GOOD enough for something i liked to be worth the expense, yet what i was buying fed my unhealthy self image on two ends of the extreme spectrum.. amazing how crazy my mind can be in it's deception.
as of this week, i've worn a dress everyday, even when i've been sitting at home. it's okay to feel pretty, that doesn't make me VULNERABLE and/or SLUTTY (depending on how i'm dressing up or down). i have a friend who's going to photograph me in one of my dresses with my camera soon:) i'm excited to be on the other side of the camera for the exact reason i love photographing other people- to show them the beauty that is inherently theirs and to spark or solidify self-love. i'm a strong, capable, independent woman. i dress for myself now, it doesn't matter to me if others like what they see. the important thing is that I DO now, and that my friends, is priceless.
so now i want to ask YOU: what is it that you neglect when it comes to yourself? how have you perpetuated old ideas about the "
heather Pin It Now!