Thursday, June 16, 2011

muse

blog3bw

photography connects my heart to this world. i don't just mean when i am taking pictures, in fact, i view the act of photographing as the path, and the end result as the connection. i lose myself in the adventure of photographing, but when i am sitting at my computer working on and viewing my photographs, or when i spend hours and hours looking at photographs from other artists, that's when i feel this intense.. feeling. it's hard to describe. maybe i just feel alive, i find meaning, i feel connected in a spiritual way to life.

i flipped through a book at the library yesterday, one i wouldn't normally look through. the whole book is about creating and investing in meaning. i got goose bumps as i read, the words giving me this liberation from mindsets that i've had for so much of my life. i don't agree with absolutely everything in the book, but i loved the idea of investing in meaning. meaning is subjective and completely individual.

usually i try not to be too personal on this blog, but i have to share. this past year has been incredibly difficult and life changing. honestly i feel like i am starting over, completely rebuilding my life temporally, emotionally, physically, mentally, everything.

i am entering a new phase in my life, and i feel very quiet, as though i'm standing at the edge of the world, darkness at my back, light in front of me. i stand quietly contemplating what i'm about to embark on, getting ready to take my first step. i've been searching for meaning in the dark but now i'm beginning to create meaning in the light. when i say in the light i mean the light of the new way that i see myself and the world.

photography draws me forward. it has been there through the ups and downs of my life, giving me a life line at times, and enhancing the beauty at others. there is something elusive about it though, perhaps because i'm not sure why i am so attached to this visual art, so i pursue it in various ways subconciously hoping that i will get to the heart.

i am searching for a new vein to explore, a new way to connect to the heart of life, of my life. somehow i know that photography is the answer. when i make the discovery, you will know. it will be apparent in my art. i'm not talking about weddings, although i dearly love my clients and bits of me are refelcted in my work. however, that work is for them, it is theirs. i suppose my work for others is an investment in making meaning in my life by helping others see the meaning that they have created in their lives.

i hope to share the meaning i find in life here on this blog, alongside the work that i do for others. perhaps eventually this blog will be less of a marketing tool and more of a personal, photographic expression of the meaning i have created in my life, as well as my depiction of the meaning that others have found as well. Pin It Now!

2 comments:

aje&h said...

on the edge of my virtual chair, anticipating the art that will follow. i love your journey. always yours, aa

Auna Janis said...

I love you heather! Thanks for sharing! I think you are a wonderful person!- love Auna :)